It is not uncommon to see my clients struggling to own their stories. Struggling, especially, to own every single part of their stories.

We can all struggle to own, let alone, accept, embrace and maybe even like every single part of ourselves and our stories.

I’ve been point blank asked by a client, “How do you just put it all out there? Without any qualms or fears?”Emerging monarch

To which I made sure to be very real, very honest and very brave.

Owning all the parts of my story, even on my strongest of days, is born only through mustering up major courage.

And, this courage simply does not exist without a dose of fear.

On the good days I say who I am, I say my choices, I say my mistakes without skipping a beat; palms dry, voice steady and my passionate light shining through.

On the harder days I say who I am, I say my choices, I say my mistakes while stumbling over my words; palms clammy and hot, voice shaking, and yet, I still make sure my passionate light shines through.

It has only been through my own brutal work with my therapist and my work through The Daring Way™ that the ownership of my story has strengthened. It is only with this continued work, practice and fight for my recovery that my shame dwindles more and more each day.

But never assume that this courageous ownership is done without any fear. As it is only through working my recovery every single day that my story is told without much shame and my fear is more easily mastered to speak and own it all any way.

I will continue to own and tell my story to help and change myself and hopefully others. And I can only do this with wholehearted bravery, feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Because, if I leave only one legacy on this earth, I hope it is the shining light of truth that this is the only way back to ourselves, back to peace, health and happiness and to find our ever upward.

~~~~

However, I was also recently challenged on how much I am able to own my story within the limitations of our world’s judgments.

We all judge, some definitely more so than others.

We have all been judged, some definitely more so than others.

I am not sure we will ever be able to fully escape the very human experience of judgment. What I do know is that the more I accept, embrace and own my story, all the parts of my story, especially the really difficult, misunderstood, invalidated and judged parts of my story is that this judgment really doesn’t have any room to grow.

Really sit with this; it is really difficult to truly judge someone who wholeheartedly accepts, embraces and owns themselves and every single part of their story.

I am not sure there will ever be a day that I am not judged on my story;

judged for not figuring out how to try more rounds of IVF, both financially and emotionally,

judged for knowing and outwardly stating that we are not choosing to adopt,

judged for accepting a childfree life and yet leading a very childfull life,

judged for living this all out loud,

judged for attempting to change the shamed silence of infertility,

judged for authentically living my work in recovery,

and judged for being the genuinely vulnerable therapist that I am.

But I dare you to hold on to your judgments as you read my words let alone hear me speak my story.

I dare you.

Monarch landingI am a survivor of infertility and IVF.

I stopped treatments after two failed rounds, because for us that was enough.

I know adoption is not my path to my family.

I bear the soul scars of three never to be babies, and yet I am still a mother.

I am accepting a childfree life, while having a very childfull life.

I will spend the rest of my life finding the end to my story by giving people permission to break the silence of infertility, and to break the silence of any of their sufferings.

I am resolving to know more than one happy ending.

I am an open and honest therapist who fights for her own recovery.

And, I dare you to judge me.

Because, without a doubt I have faith and trust that when I own every single part of my story, through my fear, shame and all, your judgment will become just uncomfortable enough for you that your world will open up.

You will learn. You will see me, all of me. And, with that sight I can only hope you grow a little more educated, a little more compassionate and a lot more brave yourself.

And, I assure you, I will not allow your judgment and your misunderstanding to dim my light.

I will own it.

All of it.

Because only then do I find myself again.

And, only then will this light shine bright enough to hopefully give others the ever upward courage to do the very same.

I dare you…

 

If you found this post enjoyable, inspiring, helpful, hopeful, interesting or even infuriating ;), please take the time and the chance to share it through your social media! More shares means more eyes, means more people helped and the message heard on a wider scale. Thank you! Justine

54 thoughts on “Through Fear and Judgment to Own It All, I Dare You

  1. You stated, ” I have faith and trust that when I own every single part of my story, through my fear, shame and all, your judgment will become just uncomfortable enough for you that your world will open up.” This is provactive….I value your tenacity!

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    1. Thank you so much!

      Like

  2. mombie says:

    Beautiful!!! 🙂

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  3. lisaklaus71 says:

    👍 my favorite post yet! I have had a few people in my life that have helped me to my own recovery, but this one thing you taught me…owning my story, owning who I am….sticks with me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. This was so perfect for anyone with any struggle that they feel defines them. Your awesome girl. 🙂 love. love. love this post. ❤️❤️

    Like

    1. Oh thank you Lisa! Miss you so much and so glad you are doing well!

      Like

  4. I LOVE this!!! It’s something I’ve been working towards and it gets hard at times, but I think it’s so worth it. Thank you 🙂

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    1. Jessica, thank you for the read and your words. Keep working at it, it is still a daily practice for me (and sometimes a major pain in the butt). But I know I am happier and healthier in owning it all. Much love, Justine

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  5. Jane says:

    I really like this. I am going to own my story and write it down in a list like you. I am thankful for your light, your ever upward. It is such an encouragement to me to ‘keep going’ even when it all seems dark

    Like

    1. Jane, I am so glad you enjoyed this! Please let me know how it feels to get everything written out for you to own it. Keep going, it is worth it and it gets better! Thank you for the read and the comment. Justine

      Like

  6. It is hard to live without fearing judgment. I find myself feeling awkward in the infertility crowd because we are turning to adoption after just one round of Clomid. I like the idea of owning it.

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    1. This your path and only you can make that impossible family decision! Own it, it’s worth it! Sending you light and strength through the adoption process! Thank you so much for the read and comment!

      Like

  7. Love it! I went through something similar, and wrote a post on Judgment as well: http://megandewitt.blogspot.com/2014/04/judgement-ivf.html You have the right attitude to weather any storm.

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    1. Thank you Megan! Very interesting post yourself, thanks for sharing!

      Like

  8. Lisa says:

    Beautiful, as always, Justine!

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    1. Thank you so much Lisa! And, as always, thanks for the link up!

      Like

  9. Shelley says:

    Thank you for sharing your ever upward.
    I especially like how you explain moving ahead through your fears, that they aren’t reason enough to stop.

    Like

    1. Thank you for reading and commenting Shelley! I hope you find my other work helpful too! Justine

      Like

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