The infertility world is very much focused on women; in the treatments, in the education and in breaking the silence. However, the statistics are growing that men’s factor infertility could be the case in one third to one half of the 1 in 8 (sometimes stated 1 in 6 depending on the resource) couples going through infertility. And regardless of the numbers or the cause of a couples’ infertility, there are still two people in that relationship suffering through one of the most difficult journeys in life.

So, on this Father’s Day weekend I would like to pass along a message you simply cannot escape from when it comes to me. Especially to all of you fathers, no matter what version of father you are.

Talk about it.

Ask for help.

Break your silence.

2014-06-14 12.04.10And, if it counts for anything, I give you all permission to not have to be the ever strong husband.

I wish I had been able to communicate this more clearly to Chad as we were going through our own infertility journey. To be able to assure him that he didn’t always have to be the ever strong man, never showing too much emotion and being stoically strong while I lost my shit.

Even though it may be scary at first for us to see this authentic vulnerability from men, to actually see behind the armor of a man’s strength, it is truly what we want and need from our partners. And, even though this is counter intuitive to how you have been raised and what our culture says, I believe this authentic vulnerability from men is what will make marriages and each of us happier and healthier versions of ourselves.

Especially as you are fighting through infertility and even more so after, no matter your ending.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there.

Because, just as all women are some version of a mother, please give yourself permission to feel the same as a father, especially this weekend.

5 thoughts on “You Don’t Have to be Ever Strong

  1. Thank you for creating this wonderful post. It is too easy for most of us heterosexual women in the trenches to give our male partners permission to own their struggle and suffering on these soul-changing journeys on which we embark together, as a team (at least that is the idea, right?). It took a big oops on my part to realize his miserably I failed to be a compassionate partner when we underwent our first IVF.
    I think it is really tough to take up space when you’re not the partner undergoing the invasive treatments (straight men and lesbians included here) and I am grateful for you reminding all of us.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for this very important comment. I am not sure I could do them all justice but I tried. Justine

      Like

  2. mombie says:

    🙂 right on. 🙂

    Like

    1. Thank you, thank you!

      Like

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