Amy Klein‘s post You’ve Done Everything You Can for the New York Times was the first spark I needed to write something about our enoughs.

Our everythings.

Then I wrote Our Infertility Rap Sheets, even though I was scared to death of putting it out there. But, the feedback I received was the second spark I needed to write something about our enoughs.

Our everythings.

Igniting the third spark, a fellow warrior and blogger messaged me today. Her bravery in reaching out was enough for me to pull this post from drafts, assign my own photo and share. As, she is in the midst of defining her enough is enough.

Her everything.

As I have written, I’ve taken out my counts; how many rounds of IVF I tried because I have found I included them only out of my own shame. Out of this need to prove to the world, and maybe to myself on some days, that I too have suffered and lost.

Infertility or not, we all must define our own enoughs and everythings.

What is enough? What is everything?

Have you done everything you can? Have you done everything you need to? 

Have you done enough? Have you lost enough? Have you suffered enough?

Defining our everything and our enoughs in order to let go, embrace and move forward.

I think we can apply these questions to many areas of our lives that we are struggling with.

Infertility. Recovery. Relationships. Dreams. This list goes on and on.

I think what we all must remember is that only we can define what is everything and when enough is enough. When we define these through others’ expectations or society or because it is “what we are supposed to do” it only comes from this place of shame; a place of not honoring ourselves. Our everythings and our enoughs can, and need to, only be defined within ourselves.

If I don’t hold on to this, I can very easily get wrapped up in the shamed silence that surrounds my infertility journey and my recovery. Because, technically, I suppose, we could have kept trying. Technically, science has provided many options for us to keep trying. Technically, there are also other options.

But to not listen to myself, my husband and our light and truth would have been the biggest disservice to me, our marriage and, in reality, to the world. For us to go above and beyond what we know is our enough and our everything would have destroyed us because it simply would not have been our truth.

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Thank you dad for being my photographer. Letting it go, embracing it all, defining my enough and everything; this is ever upward and the legacy of my three babies.

We tried. We tried more than we had planned to. But, we tried again because our losses felt that crushing. We tried again because we knew that our everything wasn’t met yet. Only we could make that decision. We need to explain it only to each other.

Only we define our enough and everything.

And, our ever upward.

To let go of comparison, especially in our sufferings and recovery, is to find our truth.

Because we all suffer. We all lose. Hard is just hard.

And, we all must practice our recovery.

Trust in your truth. Trust in your everything. Trust in your enough.

Because, within that trust you will be found.

*To read more about how we defined our everything and how I have practiced my recovery make sure to pick up a copy of the soon to be published Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life.*

If you found this post enjoyable, inspiring, helpful, hopeful, interesting or even infuriating 😉, please take the time and the chance to share it through your social media! More shares means more eyes, means more people helped and the message heard on a wider scale. Thank you! Justine

The cover of Ever Upward is done! I am so excited to share later this week along with a giveaway!

Thank you also to the designer of my book cover, Kristen Ashley, for this beautiful version of the photo!

Thank you also to the designer of my book cover (sneak peek coming this week), Kristen Ashley, for this beautiful version of the photo!

18 thoughts on “Defining Our Enoughs and Everythings

  1. Through infertility, “hard is not relative, hard is hard” has become something I live by. No one of the outside can judge what you have been through and how it has emotionally impacted you. Here’s to your ever upward and living a life based on trust. ❤

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    1. Exactly! Thank you so much for leaving your kind words and taking the time to read!!! J

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    2. iciemeg says:

      I would agree with “Awaiting Autumn”. I know that my doing what I did was easier than someone else who did less treatment. We each have our own limits and resources and life stories to live.

      Meg

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  2. Thank you so much for sharing! It’s so hard to know when enough is enough and deciding what we really want to do versus what we feel we SHOULD do. Thank you for this post:)

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    1. Of course! Thank you for the spark. You know, you really truly do know. And if you don’t, then it isn’t time… J

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  3. Jane says:

    I’ve been realizing that I have difficulty with saying enough is enough. It always seems like I should leave a back door open ‘just in case’. I think I’m starting to realize how crippling that can be. Thank-you. I’m waiting for the book.

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    1. Then I guess it isn’t your time yet because I’m not sure we have to leave the door open. Eventually you’ll be able to embrace and trust it completely. At least I think. Sending you clarity and healing and love! Justine

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  4. It’s very hard to decide when enough is enough and then to actually accept the outcome of that decision. We know our enough is just around the corner, we both see the writing on the wall. For us, this has meant that we decided one more try and we are not looking beyond that. We both suspect that will be our last attempt, but we also know that we aren’t ready to make that decision today and its not in our best interest to dwell on that just yet.

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    1. Exactly, trust yourselves and one another. You have your answers within you, and they become clear when you’re ready.

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  5. iciemeg says:

    I do not understand the concept of “shame” attached to infertility and pregnancy loss. — I understand the not wanting to “be” the cycles of trying, but the medical journey is useful information. If you want to find someone who can give points about how to deal with IVF, then you want to know if someone even did an IVF cycle. If you want to know about someone who used particular meds or went to a particular clinic, then that is useful information. When I find someone who can truly relate, then it does help to find someone who has walked a bit of my path. The stories, including the numbers, matter to me.

    Shame… no! No shame! I am NOT my numbers, but my numbers are part of my story and my life. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. We each have our own story.

    Meg

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    1. My numbers are absolutely part of my story, my three, as I write in the post after this one. Look up Brene Brown, you will understand more about shame. Thank you for reading and commenting!

      Like

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