A survey to…

  • gather information.
  • give the shamed silenced a voice.
  • start and continue an important conversation in our world.
  • educate.
  • continue the love of ever upward.

For the possibilities of defining, speaking, educating and embracing fertility compassion.

So far the results are incredible and heartbreaking and important and my light.

To which I am wholeheartedly thankful, especially considering the first person to take the survey was an incapable; a person not even in the arena, the person who just sits on the side lines judging and hurling hurtful and harsh criticisms.

My anonymous critic

A person who does not show up.

A person who does not live brave.

A person who in just three minutes attempted to shut me down, steal my light and use hate to hurt and anonymity for power.

“Mine has been your response calling cells BABIES…my god you were never prego, you did not even TRY to conceive yet you are on a pity party tour…get over yourself!! i feel for your clients. No one believes your story and no one is buying your book, quit making an ass of yourself! my friend is suffering from colon cancer after having 2 rounds of ovaian cancer yet shes not boo hooing cuz she legitimately cant have kids…”

To which my initial response was shame. For me, shame feels like my pounding heart, shaking hands, cold sweat and the light being sucked from inside me, like a dementor stealing my soul. Shame is the messages I, for a second, embrace as my own; messages like this will fail, who cares, I am not enough, etc.

But only for a few seconds.

Then some anger came in.

Who the hell do you think you are? If you don’t agree with or like or believe in my writing and my story then stop reading! What a coward to post this comment anonymously where no one will see but me.

And then, thank you.

Thank you for proving my point exactly. And I think you may find some of your heart in my posts, When We Become a Mother or Father and Loss is Loss.

Here is what this person will be severely disappointed to hear.

I do not find my light, my soul, my permission from anyone.

And, I especially do not find them in people like you.

I do not find my light, my soul, my permission through fear, judgment and hate.

And, I especially do not find them in shame, scarcity and comparison.

To My Anonymous CriticsI find my light, my soul, my permission within myself. Within the gifts and love I have to share with the world. Within my flaws and all. Within connection and compassion. Within ever upward.

And, so I thank you for taking three minutes out of your life in an attempt to shut me down. And, I will not apologize for disappointing you.

For you have simply ignited my light even brighter; making me even more brave.

Strengthening my resolve to change how we talk about fertility, infertility and recovery.

Cementing my conviction to practice my authentic courage to help give others permission to own their stories.

And, solidifying my tenacity in shining my light brighter for the world to see…

In hopes of enlightening ever upward.

~~~~

Housekeeping:

Ever Upward presale live now.

Ever Upward Launch Party is October 4th.

Fertility Compassion Survey is collecting all responses.

Kickstarter for Ever Upward Book Trailer has 11 days to go.

If you found this post enjoyable, inspiring, helpful, hopeful, interesting or even infuriating 😉, please take the time and the chance to share it through your social media! More shares means more eyes, means more people helped and the message heard on a wider scale. Thank you! Justine

22 thoughts on “To The Anonymous Critic(s)

  1. There will always be people who are mean and say hurtful things, but I firmly believe our true light shines based on how we respond to it. As I’ve said many times before we cannot always change our circumstances, but we are responsible for how we respond to them. And clearly your true light shines bright as you handled it this with grace.
    Please know that even though one person has said hurtful thing, you truly are amazing for sharing your story. You inspire many and I for one respect and admire your courage and strength.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You are so right, thank you so much. I am so grateful for your friendship and support. And, please know I admire the same courage and strength you see in me in you. ❤ J

      Like

      1. Thank you Justine. I too value our friendship 🙂

        Like

  2. rikkileetie says:

    All I want to say is what a freakin Coward, BITCH!!!! Let me at em! Let me at em!!! Grrrr this just makes me ANGRY!

    Like

    1. Thank you! I knew I had to write a response that included the comment because needed my friends and supports, my fellow warriors, to help pull me out of the dark. And, I knew you’d have something to say ;). Thank you friend! J

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Elisha says:

    My mouth dropped but I am not surprised! I have one particular person who will make very hurtful comments on my blog as well. It’s a shame. You keep doing what you are doing! Love ya girl! Oh…I got your book today in the mail. Thank you, thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh I’m so glad you got the book! Thank you for your support and the review. I hope you enjoy your advance copy ;)! So far this was the harshest one I had yet and it hit me like a 2 ton shield since it was delivered in such a cowardly way. Thank you for having my back! Love you! Justine

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Elisha says:

        It wouldn’t surprise me if it were the same person…

        Like

  4. Marie Elena says:

    Justine, you left a “like” on a post of mine, and I came out here to see who you are. I’m glad to see you don’t let cowardly or otherwise pained-yet-hurtful people get to you. Please keep up your work of helping others. We need kind/generous souls such as yours. (And thanks for the “like” on my post.)

    Like

    1. Thank you so much Marie for stopping by! I love your pieces! Thank you for the encouragement too! Justine

      Like

  5. My heart broke when I read this for just a moment. I have found such encouragement and empowerment from reading your blog and to know someone said this to you broke my heart. But God bless you for your light and for your ability to rise above these people. They are few and far between and don’t matter. You are making a difference!

    Like

    1. Thank you so much, that is all I want, to be able to help and make that difference. Thank you so much! Justine

      Like

  6. Yikes. I’m so sorry Justine. This recently happened to me as well – a comment I did not approve that told me all my efforts are “a waste”, that I should give up already, that I already have a child and should be grateful (as though I’m not eternally grateful or as though the two are synonymous). Thank you for your post to remind all of us from where our true strength and endurance arises. And congratulations on all you do and have done to be where you are today. Hugs, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ugh, that’s terrible. We will always have our critics I suppose. We just have to remember to not give them the power that they don’t deserve and only look to the one’s who love us. Thank you! Justine

      Like

  7. I suppose there are always people out there who want to rob other’s joy and steal their confidence. I’m so glad you can see past that ugliness and shine your strength and light! I can’t wait to get your book!

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and excitement for the book. It really means so much! Thank you friend! Justine

      Like

  8. Shocking. It is even more shocking that this person would use their friend’s struggles to justify their own anger and spite. I think you are totally right, that comment completely highlights why your book and this blog are needed.

    You’ve helped me, you are helping many. So, thank you 🙂 ~Catherine

    Like

    1. Catherine,
      Thank you so much. And, you’re right how dare use someone’s else’s struggles to justify hate. Thank you for stopping and leaving this kind comment. Much love, Justine

      Like

  9. busynothing says:

    This is hard to admit, but I would have agreed completely with that critic before I was forced on this journey myself. You just can’t get it until you’ve been through it. Keep your light bright, Justine. You’re helping so many people.

    Like

    1. Thank you for your brave honesty. I think that sometimes is the tough part with empathy. Empathy doesn’t mean I know exactly what someone else has gone through, it simply means I can identify with the emotions that go along with it. But this also isn’t how we are taught either. Thank you so much for your encouragement! Justine

      Like

      1. busynothing says:

        So true. And I hate how women are taught to compete or be skeptical of each other, instead of respond in love.

        Like

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