I have been actively having to fight off the monsters of scarcity and comparison lately.

In The Daring Way™ work, based off the research of Brené Brown, we talk about how scarcity and comparison always have seats in the arena. When we live our lives wholehearted and we choose to show up, be seen and live brave™, scarcity and comparison will always be lingering.

Scarcity: The idea that there is not enough to go around or that feeling that we will never be _________________ (pretty, thin, happy, rich, etc.) enough.

Comparison: Comparing our lives and our journey to the person next to us.

For years, I have told my clients that comparison is never really an accurate lens to view our truth through. When we really think about it our life is simply not comparable. No one has, nor will anyone ever, walk this earth that is exactly like us; never the same genes, the same life experience, never ever again.

How is that even close to comparable?

And, yet the world we live in teaches, preaches and pushes comparison as the only way to know that we are okay and doing okay.

Scarcity and comparison hit me hard last week after I had the honor of speaking with two authors I greatly admire. First, I connected with Pamela Tsigdinos, author of Silent Sorority and Finally Heard. Pamela is doing incredible work in the culture of infertility. I felt myself taking a deep breath after reading Finally Heard while saying to myself, “Yes, I must connect with her.” While talking with Pamela she mentioned several names of other women in the not only survivor of infertility club but also in the childfree not by choice club; including Tracey.

I immediately googled Tracey  and knew I had to reach out to her. We scheduled to talk the very next day!

But, the comparison had already begun. I was both intimidated and jealous of how many endorsement quotes Tracey had for her book The Next Happy, let alone that she was backed by a big publisher.

My conversation with Tracey flowed so easily. It honestly was like talking to not only a fellow warrior, but also a true friend and colleague. Our stories are eerily parallel; from our career paths to what our books are about. I am thankful to have found these women, the women I feel more of a fitting in with, the survivors who infertility treatments did not work for.

The survivor who is living the childfree not by choice life, or what I call the childfull parent life.

The survivor who is demanding a change in our infertility community.

The survivor who knows these lifelong losses all too well.

And yet, very quickly that inner critic voice came in beating me into the dark with scarcity and comparison.

Ever Upward will never get big enough, you don’t know the right people, no one will ever take the chance on you.

The big publisher will never notice this little book.

She already has the success, there is just not enough to go around.

You’re not good enough.

You will always be in this ‘nose to the grind stone, working your ass off in 3 jobs, never getting the big break, never being able to afford help’ part of this entrepreneurship.

Scarcity and comparison settled in so much, that I was actually saying out loud, “She’s a real published author,” which did not go over well with Chad at all.

What I know, and what I trust, is that these messages are not my truth. I simply refuse to allow them to be. I also refuse to allow scarcity and comparison to keep me stuck in fear and therefore rip away the potential of what this could be; a brilliant piece to the ever upward puzzle.

I also refuse to allow scarcity and

A lot of this puzzle I create myself.

Ever Upward is a good book that is helping many people and is very much needed in this world. It will succeed, as it already is and it will continue to grow as it deserves.

There is plenty to go around. This will happen for me and Ever Upward, as it already is helping so many people. I am good enough. My work and my belief in myself will make it all happen.

And most of all, it is in my voice and my light, which has never existed before nor ever will exist again, and that is nothing short of a miracle.

But, most of all, this is my truth and it is brilliant and I wouldn’t be honoring myself or happy if I wasn’t writing, shouting, changing the world and connecting with others.

And so, I will thank my inner critic voice for trying to protect me, make me work hard, etc. and simply say thank you but no thank you (as I am learning in Tara Mohr’s Playing Big).

I will hold on to what I know is my inner truth and light, and to these new and incredible relationships I am so thankful for and excited to see where they lead us.

Simply, I will not allow scarcity and comparison to steal away amazing connection.

Because I choose this wholehearted life; the life and the work of rising ever upward.

~~~

Ever Upward is selling, the reviews are positive…so what now? If you haven’t left a review on Amazon, it would help a ton and mean so much to me! And, the biggest help is sharing about Ever Upward on your social media! What is your favorite quote? Where is your favorite reading spot? What have you implemented from Chapter 4-Choosing Change? Upload a post and a picture and tag me and Ever Upward for a chance to win an Ever Upward journal for FREE! Links: EU Facebook, Instagram (@jlbf4), Twitter (@JustineFroelker.

9 thoughts on “Not Allowing Comparison to Steal Connection

  1. jenh94 says:

    Good things come to those who BELIEVE,
    BETTER things come to those who WAIT, and the BEST things come to those who DO NOT GIVE UP! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lkgaddis says:

    I admire the work you have done. I often think of your perseverance in getting your book out there and spreading your message when I am discouraged with my own work. I understand the urge to compare, but find turning it into motivation to be extremely powerful for own psyche. Keep up what you do so we can all continue to benefit from your story and gift with words. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much my friend! You are right, the frustration is best when turned to powerful light that we shine. Much love and encouragement to you too to keep it up!!! Justine

      Liked by 1 person

  3. If it means anything, I place you in the same tier as Pamela and Tracey and Lisa. The tier being a badass woman who refuses to be silent. Who wants to share her truths with anyone who will listen. Who is compelled to be an advocate for those of us who find ourselves in this unexpected place. A woman with the blind faith that her message is going to get to those who need it. There’s a fairly new song getting a lot of airtime on the radio right now. It’s called “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten. It reminds me of you and Pamela and anyone else going through what we’re going through.

    And you do make a difference. You made a difference to me (read this: http://bentnotbrokenblog.blogspot.com/2015/05/aha-moment.html?showComment=1433075308590#c612332046701472804). I can’t wait to read Ever Upward!

    Like

    1. That means more than I can accurately portray, thank you so much for this! I think I have listened to Fight Song a hundred times already today, especially after reading a frustrating review of Ever Upward on Amazon, so thank you also for that! I’d love to send you a copy of Ever Upward, email me! Justine

      Like

      1. I LOVE Fight Song too and I’m glad you thought it was as meaningful as I did. It is a good one to put on repeat! I appreciate your offer to send a book, but you can’t make money off of your hard work if you give it away for free! But I promise that I’ll buy it, probably next weekend, and I’ll send you an email to say hi tonight.

        And don’t worry about the review! People say things that they wouldn’t say to your face when they can hide behind an anonymous screen name.

        Liked by 1 person

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