Hope With a Catch

Of course I don’t believe hope needs to die but good God do I wish people would take their rainbows and fairy dust hope and stop shoving it down our throats.

Sometimes it is hard, the struggle is real and the dark, fucking dark.

Hope is flung around as a weapon, a badge and a reprieve, especially in the infertility, pregnancy loss and recovery worlds. It is a word used to inspire others but oftentimes comes with a significant catch. The catch is that it oftentimes only comes attached to the stories that worked out, got the ending we all want or are considered successful.

When hope is the message of these happy ending stories it can feel like a weapon being discharged on our soul for those of us who it did not work out for. The ones who have defined our own happy ending but the ending that many do not be consider the happy one.

So are we shit out of hope?

Or only invisible?

You know my story by now: tried to be a mom, paid a lot of money to be a mom, it did not work and we live a childfree not by choice life.

It is sad. It makes you sad and makes you really want to take away my pain by offering a not so simple solution, such as “why don’t you just adopt?”

Stories like mine do not go viral, they do not get shared and sometimes hardly acknowledged by our society.

Because we don’t think there is hope in not getting what we dreamed of; and we only want to read, hear and feel the stories full of happy hope.

And yet, every single day there is hope in my life; hope in many different things and people and it was only found in letting my old definition of hope die.

When hope grows up we refuse to be invisible.


Tomorrow we’ll talk active acceptance versus never giving up.

“I said to my soul, be still and wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love, for love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith, but the faith and the love are all in the waiting. Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought: So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.”
~ T.S. Eliot

11 thoughts on “When Hope Grows Up: Part 1

  1. Jen Noonan says:

    “Letting my old definition of hope die.” That’s it right there! Difficult for many to accept and to follow through with.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yes! One of my best lines ever written 😉

      But seriously, thank you so much for the support Jen! ❤ J


  2. I also think there is a difference in perspective on happy endings. As you know, we are pregnant following IVF, but all our family hopes for us to have baby #2 naturally. Say what??? Their intentions may be sincere but their hope puts added stress and pressure on us, at a time when we just want to live in this moment and enjoy our current happiness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh, yes!! That is so difficult, it is already so hard to stay in the moment staying in the moment after loss. We can know they mean the best but still hard! Thank you friend for your support on this venture.


  3. Melissa West says:

    Wow! This is exactly what i have been pondering the last few weeks. It is easy for others to say keep hoping and it will happen. Al the people i know who have experienced infertility have the success story. Their dream came true. But what about those of us that will likely never see that dream come true. We have tried almost every treatment and suggestion out there and got nothing but more heart ache. Why can’t my happy ending be that my husband and I are childless?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Melissa, Yes! I think we define our happy ending, this is redefining hope! Thank you so much for leaving your thoughts on part 1, hope to see you stop by the rest of the week! Justine


  4. lkgaddis says:

    For me, hope is not about an outcome but rather it is a way to acknowledge we don’t have total control in our lives. Even when our desired outcomes don’t happen, hope can exist, comfort, and fuel us through difficult journeys. I can understand your sentiment of when one uses hope as a means to use their own success in light of lack of success in others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Laura, very true and I appreciate your thoughts! Keeping reading 😉 it may become more clear. Much love friend! Justine

      Liked by 1 person

  5. My definition of hope has certainly evolved after slogging through the shitstorm known as infertility. But like you, I also have hope. And dare I say it, most days I’m even happy. On the topic of a story like yours going viral, I feel the same way! People need to hear about stories like yours and mine, stories that end without a baby. I recently wrote a blog post on this topic titled ‘My story is important too.’ Actually I wrote a couple of posts within the last week on the topic of hard is hard too, so it seems like this series is timely for me. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh we are kindred fellow warrior sisters my friend 🙂 And yes, that happiness, ugh it is bliss in this shit storm! Love to you! J


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