I have found a special love, and talent for those in the battle of secondary infertility and those in the midst of pregnancy after loss.

The other day I had an aha with a client coping with pregnancy after loss. One of the biggest misconceptions of the trying to conceive, infertility and loss community is that a healthy pregnancy is our cure all. I see some of the hardest struggle during this time, which if you think about it, is not that surprising. We’ve already had the worst case scenario happen, we already know that not everything always turns out. A healthy pregnancy, although amazing and happy, is also filled with anxiety, worry and, if we aren’t careful, all consuming fear.

What I am especially seeing in my office is the difficulty for mom to allow herself to attach and fully love the growing baby in her belly,

Because what if it isn’t okay? What if I lose it?

To which I say,

Your children before this, although you may have never had the blessing to meet them, made you the mother you are today. You love this baby well because of them. You love this baby fully in honor of the ones who made you a mother to begin with.

The complicated gray of afraid and brave all at once my fellow warriors, loving well and loving fully is what our children deserve, it is also what we deserve.

We love well because of them. We love fully in honor of them.They made us mothers.


Don’t Talk About the Baby

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2 thoughts on “Petite Post: Loving Well and Fully in Honor of Them

  1. Shelley says:

    It’s difficult for me to put my feelings into words especially how do I explain the emotions of coping with pregnancy after loss? It helps me alot when I can read something that says exactly how I feel and it gives me a good response…

    Being pregnant again brings back so many memories that I could almost be reliving the previous one, and I feel guilty that maybe unconsciously I would rather have the baby I lost than the one that is growing. But in reality I have both.

    Thanks so much.


    1. Shelley,

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I am sending you thoughts and prayers of love, healing, clarity, trust, all of it. I know how hard pregnancy after loss can be. You do have both, you are a mother to both. Love that baby coming well and fully, you both deserve it and I think it truly honors the child you lost. Much love to you!! Justine


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