A piece many may struggle to read, which is exactly why I wrote it and submitted it to HuffPost! Enjoy! 

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Four years out from ending our own infertility journey and the difficult decisions of the infertility journey are still part of my daily life.

In full disclosure, we ended our journey without the intended, hoped for, dreamed of and paid for ending of happy, healthy babies in our arms.

Professionally, I have been working with clients through and after the infertility journey for the last three of those four years; had to work out my own stuff first.

Throughout these three years I have worked with women in every place of the infertility and loss journey; years of trying, all levels of treatments, miscarriages, stillbirth, secondary infertility and everything in between. I, especially, have found a true gift in walking alongside someone during the pregnancy after the infertility and loss struggle.

I have also been honored with witnessing and guiding my clients through some of the toughest moral, ethical and relational decisions of their lives.

Because making a baby in 2016 is not simple for over 7 million of us.

It is those tough moral and ethical issues no one ever really thinks about when they embark on the infertility journey that, I think, have great potential to destroy us.Click here to continue reading. 

7 thoughts on “It’s Not, Just Have a Baby 

  1. Good points in much of this article. However, I will call out your statement that “We can know almost everything about our babies before they are born” is absolutely false. There is limited genetic testing available for an insanely high price but this does not tell us if the embryo is truly viable and therefore will make it to a fetus and then to a healthy delivery. There are a ton of prenatal screening and testing options out there which many have been proven over and over to give false positives (gestational diabetes, for one), create unnecessary anxiety because they are about risk rather than true diagnosis (Down’s syndrome screening, etc.), and ultimately not telling us “almost everything” – not even close. Many of us have PGS/PGD in preparation for IVF thinking that will be the guarantee to both implantation and a full term pregnancy, yet 1 in 4 women will experience miscarriage in their lifetime. We don’t know almost everything about our babies before they are born. If I did, I wouldn’t have bought baby clothes and started nesting when my 4th round of DEIVF turned into a pregnancy, a positive ultrasound, and ultimately a miscarriage at 8 1/2 weeks.

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    1. Aimee, Thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment and share some of your story here. You are very right, there are limitations on how much we can know, even with the advances of amazing science. I suppose some of us, including myself, will never know for sure why our babies never took a breath of this earth’s fresh air. I am sending you love and prayers for continued healing and clarity on this journey. I know how impossible the loss is. Much love, Justine

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  2. Kelli White says:

    Love this Justine! I was completely unprepared for the impact our decisions during the infertility process were going to have on my emotional and mental well-being. They left me feeling broken and often misunderstood. Your book and site have played a huge role in helping me work through these feelings. Thank you as always for starting conversations about these important topics.

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    1. Kelli, Thank you so much for reading and your kind words. You know me, always trying to shine the light so we don’t get more lost in the darkness! Thank you again!!! J

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  3. Mary Smith says:

    Thank you for sharing. This journey is so tough and I have struggled with the depression from not being able to get pregnant. I struggled with fertility issues for years. It was a hard road filled with doubt and self-loathing. All we wanted was a baby and we tried for years to have one. I tried every medical and old wives tale I could think of to try and get pregnant. I even slept on red sheets to promote fertility. It was starting to get crazy and I was overwhelmed. My husband found out about California Fertility Partners through a good friend. I was skeptical because I thought we had tried everything but I was wrong. We worked with Dr. Guy Ringler He made me feel so comfortable. My first IVF transfer at the clinic is coming up and Dr. Ringler has made us feel so confident about the process. We are crossing our fingers that it will be successful!

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    1. Mary, Thank you for your comment and resource. I am glad you found my piece helpful. Best wishes to you on your journey. ❤ Justine

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