Gracie is plastered against my leg, our usual morning position on the bright orange couch in the sun soaked living room

My steaming coffee beside me alongside my stack of morning books and journals.

She’s up against my leg providing the warm reminder of just one of the ways I am a mother.

Her sister stretched out to the warmth of her as close to me as possible while also still touching her sister; a requirement of sorts.

A reminder of the possible, yet never to be twins of ours. They would have been four this year, that ever present due date just two weeks away.

Four years.

I still can’t believe how much time has passed; how much has changed and yet how much remains the same.

The grief has morphed so much, yet the longing as strong as ever.

The darkness lit up by what has become the happy and healthy version of myself; my redefined, thriving life.

The darkness there, always, as my children aren’t here. Yet, the light that is me – in Him, through Him the-light-is-therein-within-and-all-aroundand because of Him, makes the darkness bearable.

The light is there; in, within and around.

I only must stretch to reach the warmth.

~~~

It has been weeks since I wrote this, yet all the feels in it are still all too familiar and haunting my heart.

I know it has been awhile since I last posted my friends. I am asking for and hoping for some grace as I work to finish my second book, The Complicated Gray. I am writing away to get it into my editor’s hands no later than March 1st with a publication goal of August or September.

Until then, I will try my best to share here once in a while. Thank you for your support, prayers and love. I very much appreciate you all.

***Background image from http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2012/02/break-out-of-prison/.

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