The Latest in Ever Upward

Title Text (2)

The presale is live!

Help us get an idea of demand by preordering your copy of Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life. This will help us to order at the lowest price point from the printer and help in shipping costs (much needed in this self/entrepreneurial publishing deal).

Ever Upward launches on October 1st and will be available on Amazon in February and in bookstores in March 2015.

If you are in the Saint Louis area (or want to make a trip in) I would love to see you at the book signing and launch party on October 4th!

I have several more reviews going up in the next several weeks but, for now make sure to check out the reviews so far.

butterflies breaking out cleaner copy (2)

Thank you so much for all the support, the shares, the feedback, the love and friendship!

In ever upward light and love,

Justine

 

Fear: Embracing It To Move Through It, Not Living From It

There is a lot of fear right now.

Fear of struggle. Fear of violence. Fear of depression. Fear of it getting worse. Fear of sadness. Fear of unanswered questions. Fear of pain. Fear of loss. Fear of it never getting better. Fear of the unknown.

Fear of fear.

Fear is a constant topic in my office with my clients; most often the fear of the unknown or the fear of things never getting better.

The exact sentiments we are seeing and feeling in our community lately.

Fear keeps us stuck and paralyzed. Fear makes us react instead of respond. Fear keeps us from living our lives authentically and wholeheartedly.

Our challenge is not to get rid of it or to not feel it or to stuff it down or to numb it out. I think many times we are socialized to believe that we shouldn’t feel “negative” emotions; fear especially. But the fact is, just at Brené Brown states, we cannot selectively numb out the dark.

Our challenge is to embrace it, move through it and live our lives with courage despite the fear.

Living from a place of fear

We must make the choice to not live our lives from a place of fear. When we live our lives from a place of fear we only hurt ourselves and others. Living our lives from a place of fear means we use shame and anger to get through our days. Living our lives from a place of fear means we compare and live from scarcity.

Living our lives from place of fear means we ultimately choose to live in the dark all alone.

Allowing fear to move through

Rather, we must make the choice to live our lives knowing that our fear will not kill us. Knowing that our fear doesn’t have to mean we hurt ourselves and others. Knowing that we can embrace these “negative” emotions (jealousy, anger, sadness, shame, etc.) and trust that most are coming from this place of fear.

But, knowing that we can move through the fear with bravery.

If we can embrace our fear to move through it and not live from it, it can and will exist right alongside hope. As much of the research shows:

Brené Brown discusses in her research how we cannot be courageous and comfortable at the same time. We must be brave and afraid all at once. This is wholehearted living. And,

“The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows.”

As Jarrett Stevens guest pastor at The Crossing said a few weeks ago said:

“Fear borrows from a future possibility and makes it our present reality. Fear is believing that the best God has for me is the worst I can imagine. But, faith can bring us through it.”

Panache Desai in Discovering Your Soul Signature (love this three times a day “devotional” book):

“We need to find our courage, which of course, is not the absence of fear but rather the willingness to feel the fear and move forward anyway. Fear isn’t going to kill us. It’s an energy that we can allow to move through us.”

Fear of FearAnd finally, that through this hope, compassion also exists…

Glennon Doyle Melton says,

“Kind people are brave people. Brave is not something you should wait to feel. Brave is a decision. It is a decision that compassion is more important than fear, than fitting in, than following the crowd.”

And, as Jeff Brown says,

“Compassion. It’s not just a word. It’s a way of being. It’s not just a concept. It’s love in action. It’s not just something we conveniently practice. It’s something we consistently embody. Compassion for those who are struggling. Compassion for our shared humanness. Compassion for the courage it takes to make it through. Unity begins with compassion. I see me in you, I see you in me, and I want us to live from love together.”

Living through fear to compassion

What would it be like for us to simply name our fear? Name it, identify Compassionit, feel it and embrace it. Allow it to move through us by also allowing enough space for courage. Through practicing this bravery we will not have to keep living our lives from this place of fear.

We can find the compassion for ourselves and others.

We can find the light in ourselves and others.

We can find our loving power in ourselves and others.

And, maybe, we could heal.

Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life is now available for presale!

If you found this post enjoyable, inspiring, helpful, hopeful, interesting or even infuriating  ;), please take the time and the chance to share it through your social media! More shares means more eyes, means more people helped and the message heard on a wider scale. Thank you! Justine

This post linked at Amateur Nester’s Link-Up!

 

Ever Upward – Reigniting the Spark

Justine Froelker:

Thank you so much to A Few Pieces Missing From Normalcy for his review of Ever Upward Chapter 6 – Reigniting the Spark! So thankful for the support, the friendship and his amazing review!

And, just in time for the presale!!!

Originally posted on A Few Pieces Missing From Normalcy - An Infertile Man's Perspective:

I’ve had the honor and privilege of connecting with so many wonderful people in the infertility community.  One of those great people is Justine Froelker.   I connected with her a few months back through this blog.  Justine is an infertility survivor who also is a Therapist.  She has a unique perspective of someone who has been through the grind of infertility but also the insight of a professional therapist.  Her blog is a must follow for anyone going through infertility.  I can’t say enough good things about her work and how supportive a friend she has been.

I recently had the honor of reading a chapter from her upcoming book “Ever Upward” which is due to be published on October 1st.  She gave me the choice of selecting a chapter to read and review.  The one I choose is called “Reigniting the Spark”.  The chapter…

View original 642 more words

Can We Embrace the Complexity of Mental Health?

A Recovering Therapist’s Perspective

It has not been easy to be a mental health therapist in the world this week, especially here in Saint Louis.

Hell, it hasn’t been easy to be human this week.

So much pain. So much violence. So much suffering. So much judgment. So much intolerance.

So much powerlessness.

And, yet I believe in the power of forgiveness; of ourselves and others. I believe in the power of recovery. I believe in our abilities to heal. I believe in the power of connection and love. And, I really believe in the power of courage.

As a mental health therapist I have been educated, trained and my professional experience speaks to embracing all sides of everything. To not only seek understanding of all sides of everything but to also have empathy for all sides of everything.

Sometimes, this can feel like a heavy burden to carry, especially when it comes to my personal life. It also means that I seek answers in many places and from many different angles. Such as been the case in the heartbreaking suicide of Robin Williams.

Robin Williams Mental Health

And, needless to say, many angles have been presented.

I have found myself frustrated and angered and I have found myself understood and thankful. Which I guess just brings us right back to that feeling, seeing and understanding all sides of everything.

But today in one of my sessions I was able to bring the many angles to light with one of my fellow survivors of anxiety and depression. And, within that light, I think and hope, I opened up enough space for all of us who struggle with anything to breathe a little easier.

I have depression

As a survivor of mental illness I have been paralyzed by the depths of depression. The kind that hurts your whole body. The kind that leaves you exhausted  in every way imaginable. The kind that destroys friendships. The kind that hurts your schooling or work. The kind where nothing means anything and yet everything seems like too much. The kind that is so dark that you simply cannot see any light; where you don’t recognize yourself or anyone else for that matter. And, the kind that makes the impossible choice somehow seem like the only choice.

I can practice my recovery

As someone who practices recovery I know the choices I must make every day to acknowledge, embrace and treat my depression. The choice to take meds when I need them. The choice to really work in my therapy. The choice to practice self care. The choice to embrace the dark, move through it and let it pass because on some days that feels like all I can do. And, the choice to do this all with wholehearted courage.

I am a therapist practicing recovery from depression

As a mental health therapist I understand the disease. I understand the causes, both environmental and genetic. I understand the chemical, emotional and spiritual make up of it. I understand that the disease is not a choice but fighting for recovery and holding onto hope is. And, I can understand that sometimes that choice just feels too difficult to make.

This understanding all sides of it sometimes feels like too much and even too confusing. Leaving me with several different voices in my head:

It’s not fair. Why do I have to suffer from depression? Why do I have to work so hard at just being okay? Why does it always linger somewhere in the background just waiting to cut off my light?

or

It’s too hard. I can’t keep trying. It never gets better. I am exhausted. I don’t want to fight any longer.

or

Just get out of bed. Just make the choices that make it better. Just take the meds. Just set a schedule. Just freaking do it. Just…

or

Yes, I have depression (or anxiety or addiction, etc.) and I have to choose to do these things every day to be the best version of myself. Some days are good and some days are rougher. I don’t need a reason or an excuse as to why I have depression. But, I can do the work to understand myself. Because this understanding will move me closer to who I am supposed to be and who I want to be.

and

Everything can and will pass. We are never really alone. And, love, light and hope are always there.

The last few days I have been plagued by opinions, judgments and the research coupled with my own experience as a sufferer, a survivor and a practitioner; with all of the voices above.

What I was able to understand today with my client was that maybe we can embrace that it is all just really complex. That most of the time we will never get the exact, sure fire answer as to why or how. But, within that we can still understand.

We can still have compassion, for ourselves and others.

We can choose courage.

And, it is only through this compassion and courage that we can and will find our truth.

And, that this can be and is enough.

I promise.

*If you’re struggling with some tough emotions or feeling lonely, don’t hesitate to call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

To read more about my story and my recovery make sure to pick up a copy of Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life,available October 1st at http://www.everupward.org.

If you found this post enjoyable, inspiring, helpful, hopeful, interesting or even infuriating  ;), please take the time and the chance to share it through your social media! More shares means more eyes, means more people helped and the message heard on a wider scale. Thank you! Justine

It’s here!!!!

A year in a body cast.

Twenty years of my dimmed light.

A year of infertility treatments and losses.

A year of writing and editing.

A year of submitting to publishers and agents.

Over two years of practicing my recovery.

Ever Upward is here!

Ever Upward bookEver Upward book launch

And, I am feeling all the feels.

I am feeling scared to death. I am feeling excited. I am feeling hopeful. I am feeling scared to death. I am feeling accomplished. I am feeling at peace.

I feel amazing awe; to hold it in my hands, to see the brilliant colors of the artwork that means so much to me, to flip through it to see my words and pictures and to feel the light that I hope this holds for others.

I hope it helps and I hope you like it.

We hope to have presale information up within a week.

Book launches October 1st on http://www.everupward.org, Amazon in March and bookstores in April. We will be celebrating with a book reading and signing on October 4th here in St. Louis click here for invite/registration.

If you found this post enjoyable, inspiring, helpful, hopeful, interesting or even infuriating  ;), please take the time and the chance to share it through your social media! More shares means more eyes, means more people helped and the message heard on a wider scale. Thank you! Justine

 

 

Witnessing the Choice to Live and Love Wholeheartedly

Truly honored

“Be free my guarded heart and I shall flourish.

Tear down the walls that guard and I will thrive.

Expose my inner depths and shine light on what’s real.

Afraid and brave, she will live and love freely and entirely.

Watch her fly. Watch her grow.”

The words my client wrote as part of her work in The Daring Way™. Her work to choose to live her life wholeheartedly. Her work to choose to practice shame resilience. Her work to live with brave authenticity and to love courageously vulnerable.

Her work to choose to change her life.

The work I choose myself every day.

The work I can only hope, wish and pray everyone chooses.

Bearing witness

I didn’t know I wanted to be a mental health therapist until I lost one dream.

I only dreamed that I would get paid to do something I love with every cell of my being.

I never knew the depth it would provide in my own recovery.

The honor of bearing witness to choosing change

I have always felt honored to witness the choices my clients make to change their lives; let alone the permission to fight beside them. I have always felt honored to be the one to walk alongside them and push or pull them forward when needed.

It is nothing short of a true honor.

But, nothing could have prepared me with how much my career would change when I did my own work, when ever upward entered the world and when I earned certification in The Daring Way™.

I feel blessed, I feel lucky and I am more grateful than words can contain for the honor it is to bear witness to someone choosing to change their life. Choosing to live and love with their whole heart. Choosing to fight for themselves.wholeheartedbadge

Speaking their truth.

Embracing their whole story.

Practicing their recovery.

Owning it all.

And, I can only hope that owning my story helps my clients to own theirs. That my courage sparks their courage. That my fight helps them fight a little harder.

Because courage begets courage and knowing you have someone fighting the good fight beside you can only help.

This is not easy work.  But, it is work that is worth it. Because, it can and will get better.

But, we must choose it. Because, we deserve it.

It will be the hardest thing you ever do, but I promise the work, the love, the light, the healing is here to pull you through.

And, nothing is more heartbreaking than a battle lost*.

Every day I see the change. Every day I feel the courage. Every day I witness someone choosing themselves. Every day I see the world change one person at a time. And, every day I thank God for the chance to wholeheartedly witness it all.

Because, this is nothing short of amazing:

“Be free my guarded heart and I shall flourish.

Tear down the walls that guard and I will thrive.

Expose my inner depths and shine light on what’s real.

Afraid and brave, she will live and love freely and entirely.

Watch her fly. Watch her grow.”

 

*If you’re struggling with some tough emotions or feeling lonely, don’t hesitate to call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

This post linked to Amateur Nester’s Link-Up.

To read more about my story and my recovery make sure to pick up a copy of Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life, available October 1st at http://www.everupward.org.

If you found this post enjoyable, inspiring, helpful, hopeful, interesting or even infuriating  ;), please take the time and the chance to share it through your social media! More shares means more eyes, means more people helped and the message heard on a wider scale. Thank you! Justine

Book Review – Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life

Justine Froelker:

So thankful to My Perfect Breakdown and her review of Chapter 3 of Ever Upward! Thank you my dear friend!

Originally posted on My Perfect Breakdown:

Justine Brooks Froelker over at Ever Upward, approached me to review a chapter of her upcoming book Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life.  I’m really looking forward to reading her entire book, so of course I agreed without hesitation because how could I turn down a sneak peak?

Before I jump into my review, I would like to acknowledge that Justine and I have and are living very different infertility journey’s, yet we are bound together in our shared grief as we have both lost our babies much too soon. Losing a baby, or babies, to miscarriage is an unfortunate ‘club’ to belong to, but I am thankful I have fellow bloggers like Justine in my life as we traverse the ongoing rapids of grief, hope and recovery.

When Justine approached me, I instantly selected her chapter on the topic of Adoption

View original 383 more words